


What if

by Missmissalty



Category: Banana fish anime
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-06
Updated: 2021-01-18
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:20:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,736
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24030463
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Missmissalty/pseuds/Missmissalty
Summary: Sorry I really don’t have a good title, basically this is me just bullshitting a plot. What if in episode 10 eiji didn’t just get locked in a room? What if he got raped? How would that effect the relationship between him and ash?
Relationships: Ash Lynx/Okumura Eiji
Comments: 14
Kudos: 96





	1. Chapter 1 (episode 10)

Episode 10

The two men throw the small boy into the bedroom, one of the men having an ugly grin. “Lucky you, you’re ‘off duty tonight’,” his hand comes up and he rubs his fingers together, eiji didn’t understand what that meant. “Papa likes composed little boys like ash. Little kittens like you should at least try to be cute.” The other man smirks, nudging his friend as he asks a daring question, “do you think papa Dino would mind if we tried the new kitten out?” The man with dirty blonde hair asked his friend, smirking down at Eiji. “You know, I don’t think he’d particularly mind.” His friend laughs as they both walk into the room, horrible intentions on the mind. Eiji looks up at them in fear, what did they mean by kitten? They both put their guns down by the door and lock it, one pinning eiji down firmly on the bed while the other man had began to unbuckle his pants. “S-stop! Don’t touch me! I need-need to get to ash!” He gasped as the bigger man had wrapped a hand around his throat tightly, cutting off his words and making Eiji choke. “Shut up. The last thing you should be worrying about is ash.” He grins at Eiji, “try and be as loud as possible ok?” He purred out disgustingly, ripping the already torn shirt and pants off of the boy. Once the hand had been taken off his throat Eiji screamed, trying to kick the grown man off of him, “stop! No get off of me!” His voice was scratchy, and hoarse from the pressure. The man simply laughed and unbuckled his pants, pulling down Eiji underwear and pushing up the younger thighs, giving a harsh burn in the poor 19 year olds muscles. “S-stop...please im begging you...” Eiji tried to plead, he could see where this was going, he didn’t want this. He wanted ash, wanted to be saved, this wasn’t really happening right? Ash was on the way to save him? His thoughts were shooed away by the foreign but extreme pain in his ass, he screamed as the older man pushed into his virgin body. Eiji choked on his begs and screams, but the man didn’t stop, no he was actually enjoying Eiji pained cries like the sick man he was. The man just kept thrusting his hips, getting faster and fiercer with every pound into Eiji poor ass. And in his lack of care in the small boy, Eiji’s ass had began to bleed, due to the zero lubrication, it was dry and harsh on his body that definitely wasn’t used to it. Eiji cried into a pillow, ashamed and in excruciating pain, wasn’t sex supposed to be pleasurable? Wasn’t it supposed to be between two lovers? Is this what ash felt like in all those years of prostitution? The man gripped eijis cheek and forced the poor boy to look at him, not that he could see much through the hot tears flooding from his eyes, those same tears burning his cheeks to a soft rose color and making his hooded eyes fluffy. “You look so pathetic...crying and begging like a fucking man whore. Do you understand now? Your papa Dino’s now. And this is what the rest of your life will look like.” He laughs darkly in eijis face, the boy just kept bawling. Eiji tensed up as he felt the foreign liquid fill his ass, it was warm and wet, and absolutely revolting. Eiji choked for a few seconds before puking on the left side of him, he wished he had puked on his rapist instead but, what more could he do. The man scoffs in disgust and pulls out of eijis spent body, eijis blood and the mans semen flooding out of his ass, some of it mixed together, making a dreadful pink. The man looked to his friend, seeing the other male had been jacking off to the whole thing, “move over, it’s my turn.” He growled, and his friend moved with a smirk, ready for the next show of cries and pleading, it was fun to destroy such a beautiful and innocent person. Once again, another man had pushed into eijis walls, destroying the male physically and mentally. Making poor Eiji cry hot tears and bleed more, but the two men enjoyed dirtying such a pure object. Just as the second man had finished using Eiji like a toy, the two began to clean themselves up, leaving eiji to try and curl up in pain while they made snide comments..than there were gun shots, and yelling among the halls. The two cursed and grabbed their guns, running out to support the others and see what had broken out. Leaving Eiji, the broken sobbing boy on the bed. Naked and sweating, semen and blood dripping from his body that he was saving for someone special, hair matted to his forehead and forced hickeys on his body. He couldn’t move, he could barely process the bullets and yelling. But he knew he had to get up. Had to try and get out...no matter how much his inner self wanting him to lay there and cry. Mourn the forced loss of his virginity, and the pain he was in. Honestly? He was about to give into that deep dark sea of sadness and regret and “why’s” and “what if’s”...but than he heard ash...calling for him. He had to get up, he had to get to ash and get out. “Ash! Ash!” He yelled as loud as he could, voice still hoarse. He cried as he wiggles out of bed, limping to the door and collapsing once he reached it, banging on it persistently. “Ash! I’m right here!” He sobbed. “Eiji! Are you in there?” Ash called from the other side of the door. Making eiji smile and let out a sob again, “yes..I’m in here..” eiji said back, wanting so desperately to be held and comforted. “Get under the bed and stay low. I’m going to bust the lock.” Ash yelled to him, making eiji want to cry all over again out of happiness, he could get out... “Okay.” He murmurs, crawling back to the bed, he sees his ripped up clothes, pausing as he realized he’d have to put them back on...he grabbed the clothes and continued crawling under. His hips and his ass sending sharp pains up his spine, making him cover him mouth to not let out any whimpers. “Ready!” He yelled, beginning to put back on his pants and his already ripped up shirt...tensing more as he waited in anticipation of the break down of the door, just...just wanting to see ash...he hoped ash wouldn’t find him disgusting...revolting...a slut...he couldn’t leave ashes side. Eiji flinched at the bangs on the door and relaxed wen he heard it finally break. Eiji tried his best to crawl from under the bed, hips hurting so bad he’s not sure how much longer he can move without help, “Ash!” He whimpered, standing up shakily and limping to the blonde male. Hugging him tightly, “you’re safe!” He whimpered, leaning back a bit to see the cut. “You’re hurts really badly...” eiji whimpers. “It’s nothing,” Ash murmurs softly, looking at eijis clothing, noticing it was more ripped up...it didn’t look like that during the fight..? “What happened to you? Did they hurt you?” He growled, figuring it was a beat up.. eiji was glad he didn’t realize. He wasn’t sure how he would tell him yet... “yes...very badly...but I’m fine.” He whispers and began walking ash to the bed. Ash huffed, “we are talking about this more later. We have to get out of here, before the call backup.” He hummed, sitting down and putting in a new magazine. He wasn’t a stupid boy, he knew eiji was hiding something...ruffled up appearance... ripped clothes...messing bed.. ash paused, was eiji..? No...no one..no one would do that to.. no. They all would do that to him. “Oh god...” he whispered and looked to eiji. Eiji panicked, “a-are we going to leave shorter?” He just wasn’t ready to tell ash yet... needed to gather the courage and.. prepare to see a disgusted glare. Ash hardened at the question, the wound of shorter being dead...was too deep and could cause a strong reaction. “He’s dead! I killed him!” He glared to eiji, “you saw it too!” They sat in silence, “..I’m sorry...” eiji whispers, watching ash stare at the ground, before getting up and murmuring a “lets go.” Eiji paused, “give me a gun. I’ll protect myself.” He mumbles, determined not to cause ash any more trouble, even if his body protested. “There’s no need for that. One murder is more than enough.” He turned to eiji, his determination flourishing, while eijis faltered in surprise. “I’ll protect you. Never leave my side.” They stared at each other, before eiji nodded, he felt like he just made a intimate promise that enclosed more than just being by ash’s side for protection. After a long battle through the building, eiji almost collapsing, ash killing everyone in their way. Finding the others and telling them the plan, getting to the garage, it was all a long and painful battle for eiji. Ash noticed every wince and every whimper as the male weakly limped behind him. He wouldn’t point it out now..not when they are on a strict time limit. He sends everyone away, watching eiji leave, listening to eiji telling him to stay alive, he felt a little flutter but refused to show it. He had to get shorter, and than he had to get out, for eiji. 


	2. Episode 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just episode eleven, little changes here and there but basically a summed up/detailed episode

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I will be continuing this all the way to the end, each chapter is basically the episode with little changes here and there. Also if you find any grammar or words that are just out of place (my auto correct is stupid, Ex: “in” will turn into “I’m”) please tell me and I’ll fix them!

Episode 11

Eiji waited in the Ash’s apartment with other guys from ash’s gang, all of them anxious since ash hasn’t shown up yet. Already morning, and than Eiji heard the rushing of steps and “boss is back!” He immediately stands up, everyone in the room standing up as well. Eiji watched Ash step in the room, just relieved the male was alive! He watched everyone crowd him, making a split second of eye contact before Alex began speaking. “Now that you’re back, we won’t let Arthur have his way.” He said with determination, putting his fist and hand together as if he was about to crack his knuckles. Everyone waited for Ash to speak. “First, food and clothing.” Ash took a phone and began to type something. Eiji watched as Ash began to give more demands, something about checking on fly? He gave two more demands for electronics before he walked to the bed and flopped on top of it. “Now give me two hours of sleep.” Eiji couldn’t help but stare, he...he could just fall asleep? Just like that? “He fell asleep just like that.” Eiji murmured, Alex assures him it was always like that, Eiji would’ve asked for more information before Ash sat back up. Everyone in the room squealing in fear, running to get cover. Eiji stayed where he was, looking back to the gang as they agreed to wake Ash up in exactly two hours.   
For those two hours Eiji stayed in the room, trying to nap for the time to pass, instead he was having a hard time deciding what he should do, he was thinking of yesterday... when he was raped. He didn’t know what to say! Does..does he tell Ash? But if he did what would that do? How would Ash react? What if he got mad and started killing people? Or Ash doesn’t like him anymore..? Would...would it just be better to stay quiet..? Live with the throbbing pain that still hasn’t gone away? Eiji was sick all last night, having to clean himself out and puking...he’s pretty sure Alex knew what happened... he hoped he wouldn’t tell Ash. He jumped as the alarm on his phone began beeping. “It’s been two hours...aren’t you going to wake him?” He asked softly. Pouting when the guys didnt answer, rude! “What are you guys so afraid of?” He listened to the three guys explain how terrifying it is to wake Ash up from napping, what babies. Eiji shrugged and got up from the couch and over to ash, beginning to shake him and saying to wake up. And when that didn’t work? He slapped him upside the head, what a lazy guy! He watched Ash wiggle around before poking his head out and glaring, “two hours?” Ash grumbles, Eiji have an awkward smile as he agreed with the small mumble.   
Later on Eiji dropped off some shampoo, about to leave again to give Ash his privacy before Ash asked if Eiji wanted to know about shorter. “When you’re ready,” eiji murmured back. “What about what happened too you yesterday?” Ash murmured, making Eiji freeze and shudder. “It wasn’t much...just a beating...Ash.” He mumbles, stepping out. Eiji never thought he’d lie to him... but he wasn’t ready. It took ten more minutes before Ash got out of the bath, everyone watching him, waiting for an order from their leader, Eiji admires it...but that’s not the Ash he knows. He listened as Ash began asking about other gangs, than started giving commands to get as much information as possible, races, hideouts, bosses. But to be safe, that none of them are safe.   
Time went by quickly when it was just Ash and Eiji, getting lunch, talking about Japan and Eiji’s family. Talking about Ash’s fear of pumpkins, than getting a little visit from “Fly” Eiji watched as Ash picked out guns and paid for it in jade. After that they even began drinking tea together. “I just noticed your eyelashes are blonde,” eiji mumbles, smiling softly. Watching Ash laugh and ask Eiji if he wanted to see down under as well, that being also being blonde. Eiji was joking when he said yes...but it freaked out Ash. Eventually they got around to Eiji cleaning up Ash’s wounds, pulling back at the dramatic reaction from Ash. “Sorry, did that sting?” Eiji hummed softly, “hell yeah it did, I don’t know about you but I have a delicate body. It really hurts, if you do it sloppy like that.” Ash looked back to the news on his iPad. Eiji pouted, thinking Ash should’ve hurt his mouth instead. He grinned and began to really be sloppy. “Well, Sorry about that, I’m a sloppy Japanese and can’t do any better!” Eiji was proud that when he was done with Ash the male was wrapped up like a present in bandages. Eiji huffed as he looked back to Ash from the door, “would the delicate American like a sandwich from the sloppy Japanese?” He joked, “as long as there are no fingers in it.” Ash replied, both putting an arm on a raised bicep and laughing. The two spent the rest of the day together, and when night came around they both went too sleep. Well Ash did, the poor seventeen year old had woken up due to a nightmare, checking to see if Eiji was sleep before going to the sinks. Eiji watched him leave, he had acted asleep so he wouldn’t embarrass Ash. Eiji stood by the doorway waiting to be noticed, they went back to the bedroom. Sitting in the lamp lit room as Ash began to tell Eiji about his past. “I tired to forget... former male prostitute, gang leader, and murderer, and I still get shaken up.” Eiji frowned as he sat by Ash’s knees too try and make eye contact, “don’t say that about yourself!” He murmured. Ash lifted his head and looked to Eiji. Telling him about the man that raped his when he was just eight, how he killed the man, how he was terrified and couldn’t find his voice to stop it. How his heart was screaming for help, but he couldn’t make a noise, how when he shot and killed the man he cried..not because he felt bad, but that he didn’t feel a single thing. He was scared of himself..he had killed his best friend shorter, he didn’t know how much blood was on his hands... Eiji’s eyes widened as he saw Ash begin to cry, Eiji got on the bed and wrapped an arm around Ash. Rubbing his back to sooth him. “Ash..it’s okay, calm down.” He whispered, “you do feel it, you’re hurt. Really hurt. I can tell,” he murmured, “you saved me, if you feel responsible the same goes for me.” He smiles softly as Ash lifted his head. “My words might not mean anything now, but remember one thing. Even if the world turns on you, I’ll always be by your side. I’ll stay, by your side.” Eiji couldn’t stress this enough, he would always be there for him. Wanting nothing in return. “That is...if you don’t mind,” they stared for a second before Ash smiled and wiped his tears. “Does that mean I have to keep eating those nasty sandwiches?” He whispered, eiji smiling happily. “That’s right! Lucky you, tofu sandwiches are good for you! Your health is safe in my hands!” He paused as Ash leaned down and rested his head in Eiji’s lap. “..stay by my side...” Ash whispered, “it doesn’t have to be forever, even if it’s just for now...” Eiji’s eyes widen at the words and put his hand on Ash’s back, his soft reassurance. 

Ash work up with the light in his eyes, making him whine as he slowly sat up. Except this time he felt pressure on his hips, looking down to his lap and seeing Eiji. He carefully got out from under Eiji and went to his computer. It took a few minutes before eiji woke up, the two of them having a small conversation before Ash told Eiji he was stealing. He wanted to push Dino’s buttons, he wanted to piss him off but make it obvious he wasn’t going to obey...and, he wanted to take care of Eiji, make sure he was safe. Eiji wasn’t thinking the same way, he was more concerned with Ash then himself. “I’m Ash..? Are you going to keep doing this stuff..?” He didn’t want Ash in danger! He wanted them to have a nice peaceful time together! He could see the toll this was taking on Ash. “Scared?” Ash hummed, Eiji pouting heavily. “I’m just saying being reckless isn’t the only way to be brave! I’m older, you should listen.” He huffed, “well forgive me big brother.” Ash said sarcastically. “Why are you already like that?” Eiji whined, “you cried like a baby last night!” Ash turned to Eiji, putting on his little fake pout and baby self. “Come on, big brother. I’m really busy right now, could you get off my back?” Eiji left Ash in the room, off to the kitchen and making coffee and he lightly cursed Ash, what a mean kid! Crying and than being sarcastic.

Ash hummed as he met max at a diner, teasing each other about how much they were eating. Than they began talking business, “so..what’s up?” Max whispered. “Old man Dino’s looking for me with the cops on a leash.” Ash sighed in annoyance, “its a matter of time before they find me,” Max leaned over the table. “If you’re worried about Eiji, give him to us.” He murmured, frowning as Ash turned away. “He’s safer with me. You guys can’t protect him like I can,” Ash lightly pouted. Max knew it was no use, so he smiles and shook his head. “Fine, have it your way. So now what?” Ash told him about a condo that he needed Max to sign, smiling at the money question by Max. Explains he sent out fake selling orders to main companies, informing Max that five companies in tax havens. That he had Dino’s companies in huge trouble. Max sweat a tiny bit, anxious as he listened to the boy talk. “If devils are real, they’d look something like you.” Ash grinned and shrugged, “anyways he won’t be able to move for a while.” Handing Max his phone on a news article, “now I want you to check this out, the secretary who did it was controlled by banana fish.”

Max grinned as he signed the contact to the eight million dollar condo, feeling great even though it’s not him money. He walked out to the living room, finding Ash stare out the window. “The Corsican foundation owns that building,” Ash hummed, moving through blinds to get a better view. Max looked to the building in surprise, “damn, you’re bold, what if they find you?” Ash shrugged and glanced to Max, “there’s a gym and a supermarket downstairs. I won’t have to leave here.” Ash was definitely proud of himself for thinking of this. Knowing he’s right under Dino’s nose. Max looked back to the building, “but eiji has a pretty aggressive side, do you think he’ll agree to being cooped up here?” Max sighed, looking to ash. No one would want to be caged like an animal. Ash frowned as he stared out the window, “..he has too..” he murmurs.


	3. Episode 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhh, another chapter out, this is actually kinda tiring lol. This is the part in the story that everything will start changing more dramatically due to Eiji’s traumas, I hope you all enjoy! as always if you see any grammar mistakes please point them out to me! And feel free to check out my new book!

Eiji hasn’t done much in the week he was cooped up in the apartment, mostly cleaning or chatting with the housewives around their home...not that ash would know, the male was barely around, always scheming and doing things with his gang... not that that was any of Eiji’s business, he just...he missed Ash and he was dealing with all these feelings alone. He was tired and he just wanted to hang out with Ash like last time, he wanted to have heart to heart moments again! 

Eiji sighed as he made his way to Ash’s meeting room, planing to tell him about the new pictures he got. “-kill them.” He heard from Ash, a little startled as he opened the door fully and peered in. Getting a little flustered at all the eyes on him. “What?” Ash asked, making Eiji unfreeze and smile shyly, “oh uh..it can wait..” he murmured, closing the door to the meeting room to escape those piercing eyes.

Eiji stares at his computer screen with a bored expression, he was tired of this! Tired of taking pictures and editing them, it was so boring! Eiji jumped as he heard someone come in the room and looked behind him, seeing Ash walk in and giving him a soft smile. “You got the pictures?” He heard Ash ask, humming softly as Eiji quickly nodded and turned back to the computer, “oh uh yeah...” he murmured. “By the way...how did you afford this place? It looks expensive..plus it’s right next to Golzine’s building...” he murmured, frowning as Ash dismisses his question. “You always never tell me things when it comes to the important stuff... I didn’t know I was so untrustworthy...” Eiji jokes lightly...though it wasn’t much of a joke. 

Eiji was surprised at how quick Ash was to deny his statement, it seemed like it pained Ash not being able to confess about this stuff. Eiji quickly apologized, becoming embarrassed he even said such a thing. “I’m sorry...I know you don’t tell me things to keep me safe...” he whispered. “I just...feel helpless-“ in a lot of things, within his own body, his dignity, his heart, his emotions, he felt utterly helpless and useless without the support he didn’t know how to seek out. “That I can’t do anything for you..” Eiji looked down, biting his lip as Ash came closer. 

“You are helping me...eiji...please open up to me,” he whispered, surprising the older male. What..what did he say? Eiji looked up at Ash in surprise, “I...I’m always open with you A-ash...” he whispered, getting nervous. Ash sighed and looked away, “you might not want to tell me, but the secret you kept from me will come out eventually.” He mumbles, leaving Eiji alone on the room. Eiji’s heart pounding in his chest. He almost felt threatened by the sentence, something about his secret being stripped from him just like his virginity was made him start to panic. 

Eiji began to get lunch ready, it’s been maybe two hours since him and Ash last talked... they weren’t avoiding each other but, the atmosphere was a little awkward after the serious and nerve wracking discussion they had. Eiji actually began to feel out of breath when he thought about it... he didn’t understand why it made him so nervous so to get his mind off of it he continued to set the table.

Eiji smiled softly as he welcomed Ash to eat lunch with him, preparing a nice lunch Eiji actually loved eating back in Japan. Though he did notice that Ash looked at the food like it was some alien, rude. Eiji looks up to Ash as he asked the question, “what is this?” Eiji grinning brightly and beginning to grab some food to add to his bowl. “Dried horse mackerel and boiled spinach, and some rice and miso soup!” Eiji hummed happily, he watched Ash pick up a dish and giggled. “That’s natto!” Though Ash didn’t seem to like it, “it’s rotten. It smells.” He complained. Eiji shook his head, “that’s how they are! They’re healthy!” He huffed, he picked up some bowls and began to mix things together, “it’s not some alien Ash...when you mix everything together it’ll taste good!” 

Eiji almost felt like a mother, having to bribe a picky child into eating something that wasn’t chicken fingers from McDonald’s. He grinned as he watched Ash copy him, both of them taking a bite at the same time. “It’s so good! Do you like it?” Eiji chuckles, only to see Ash was definitely regretting his life decisions. “I’m going to throw up..” Ash mumbles. Making Eiji pout, watching Ash continue to explore the foods on the table. “This stinks too..” Ash whined, Making Eiji sigh. “It’s suppose too!” The two played at the table like friends would, teasing each other and making jokes. The atmosphere was nice and calm... it made Eiji happy they can have these moments. 

Eiji stayed home as Ash left, staying up late into the night waiting for him. Eiji...saw some interesting things on the news, men that tossed away their guns, still shot right between the eyes. He didn’t want to believe it..didn’t want to think it was Ash. Though he couldn’t deny it, both his gut and his head knew it was Ash. He looked to the door when it opened, seeing Ash walk in. “You’re back..” he mumbles. “You’re our late these days...” he whispered, frowning as Ash simply dismissed him, saying he had things to do.

“There’s blood on your shirt.” Eiji pointed out, putting his book away. He watched Ash slowly become cold, covering the blood stain. “What are you trying to say?” Ash hummed blankly. Eiji simply slid his phone over, “was this you? Men who tossed their guns away, shot precisely between the eyes?” Eiji couldn’t believe this! The Ash he knew doesn’t kill senselessly when they tossed away their guns! “So what?” Ash hissed, Making Eiji’s eyes widen as he sat up. “So what? So what?! Why are you doing this? You’re not the kinda guy who shoots unresisting people!” Eiji walked in front of Ash, trying to get his point across. 

“And who do you think I am?” Ash grumbled, looking to Eiji. “I told you, I’m a murderer. They shot my friends to save themselves. They’re paying for what they did.” Eiji frowned deeply, “this isn’t right Ash..you aren’t like other people...you don’t do this and keep secrets! You don’t justify murder!” Eiji tired to get it through to Ash, but it wasn’t getting anywhere. “What do you know about my world? You know nothing that goes on out here! Why should I let them go?! So they can kill us? So they can take secrets and use it against me!” Ash yelled, standing up. “I’ve had it with you! You have no right to lecture me in a world you’d already be dead in!” Ash hissed, stepping closer to Eiji, making Eiji falter and step back. 

Eiji didn’t like the fear he was feeling..didn’t like that he felt for the first time that Ash genuinely didn’t care about him and wanted to intimidate him. “You also don’t have a right to talk about my secrets! My secrets are to keep you safe! What are yours doing huh? Why are you keeping secrets from me?!” Ash yelled, getting in Eiji’s face. Eiji looked away and closed his eyes tightly, this wasn’t Ash..this wasn’t Ash this wasn’t Ash! He was just stressed, this wasn’t his Ash! “I was raped!” Eiji finally confessed, feeling the weight of the secret being lifted, but the humiliation and guilt falling on him. “I was violated and I was hurt. By those men back in Dino’s home...” he whispered. 

Wrapping his arms around himself to attempt to make the feeling stop, the feeling of disgust in his own body and state of self. The fact he could still feel the hickeys fading, that he could still feel the disgusting hot liquid filling up his private parts... Eiji began to cry, reliving the nightmare he had so badly suppressed. “I was violated twice...by two men that saw me as a object..a toy...” he looked up to Ash. Seeing the shocked face, though he could see the disgust there. Who it was based towards? Eiji, the rape, the men, Eiji couldn’t tell. “I didn’t tell you..out of fear, humiliation...disgust for a lack of control in my own body... so then why the hell are you keeping things from me?!” Eiji cried, crumbling down to his knees in shame and misery. He couldn’t look at Ash, he felt like a disgrace. 

Eiji gripped himself tighter as he heard Ash snatch up his jacket and walk towards the door, “w-where are you going?” Eiji whimpered, he didn’t know what he wanted but it wasn’t this! Ash didn’t look back at him, “I...” Ash paused, but he himself didn’t know what he was doing. Ash didn’t feel he had any right to comfort Eiji after what he forced the poor boy to confess, but most importantly he felt he had failed. All this time he thought he had protected Eiji when really..he had failed and forced Eiji to deal with something he knew first hand..alone. 

“Ash please...” Eiji whimpered, he needed Ash, he couldn’t do this alone, he needed to at least be told he wasn’t hated! “This isn’t the Ash Shorter, skipper and I know!” He pleaded, just wanting Ash to stay. He didn’t want Ash to push him away! Though..it wasn’t enough, Ash continued walking and took himself out of the apartment to go to god knows where. Eiji watched in shock, tears running down aggressively. He sobbed, for the rest of the night he beat himself up for what he had done. It was his fault for getting raped, it was his fault that Ash was disgusted, it was his fault that Ash left him like this. A disgusting wreck that has no worth both physically and mentally and emotionally. 

Eiji birdied himself one sheets, trying to stop the crying that was slowly taking all his air from his lungs, trying to stop the tears from clouding his vision, just wanting all his thoughts too shut up! Eiji was having a panic attack. He was alone and he couldn’t stop himself.. he ended up passing out, the lack of air forcing him asleep. He didn’t feel strong enough to fight anymore, his pillar had broken and left him alone. 

Eiji slept for the rest of the night, though it was anything but peaceful. Nightmare after nightmare, those men coming back to rape him again...Ash walking out in him over and over again... Eiji was living a nightmare and he didn’t know how to really wake up from it.


	4. Episode 12 (part 2!)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter was a little rushed! I’m half asleep so if you see any spelling errors I’m sorry. i hope you enjoy the chapter!

Eiji woke up alone the next morning, though he was used to that, what he wasn’t used to was the miserable feeling of Ash willingly not being there because he didn’t want to. Other times were because he had things to do, this time...he was just disgusted with Eiji, the thought made Eiji feel sick. Eiji sat up from the bed, having a harsh migraine that made him want to pass out, plus swollen eyes with red cheeks from crying his eyes out all night. 

Eiji wiggles out of the bed, moving around sluggishly as he got dressed. Listening closely to everyone and anyone that walked past the apartment door, hoping Ash would come back so Eiji could apologize. Once Eiji heard the doorbell going off, the boy had rushed from the bedroom to the door and opened it quickly, hoping for Ash..but only seeing Bone’s and Kong.  
“Isn’t Ash with you?” He asked, trying not to seem panicked but he was.

Ash didn’t have a good reaction last night, and Eiji could only image the man was disgusted with him. Usually when people are disgusted everyone else follows and leaves...but Bone’s and Kong were more confused than anything.   
“He uh... didn’t come home last night...we had a fight..” Eiji whispers. To his surprise the other two had ill will or any attitude towards Eiji, they were just as surprised as him.   
“Damn you have balls..”

The two ended up taking Eiji to a huge library, it was actually quite beautiful. “This is where boss goes when he wants to be alone...” Kong hummed, Bones jumping in after.   
“I don’t know if you should go in...he hates being interrupted...” Eiji calmed the boys and stepped in the library, looking around for Ash as he also took a few moments to stare, the towering shelves of books and the beauty in the windows were so cool! Though Eiji got back to business, relaxing when he finally found Ash sitting alone at a table.

Eiji walked up the the table, biting his lip and rubbing his arm as he stood in front of Ash again.   
“Hey... you knew I was here but pretended you didn’t right..? I’m...I’m sorry about last night. I should’ve just shut up..” he whispered. Watching Ash as the male looked away, but it didn’t seem like he was upset, maybe embarrassed or shy. Eiji was relieved.   
“Um...I guess Japanese apologize quick...oh! Please sit..” Ash mumbles, watching Eiji nod awkwardly and slid into a chair.   
“I’m sorry about what I made you say...that was uncalled for and I’m disgusted with who I was last night...” Ash whispered. He could admit that he was an asshole last night, they both were pushing each other’s buttons. Eiji’s frustration probably from being locked up and alone all the time, while Ash’s was from the business he had to do in the streets. 

The two got out of the library, both deciding this was really personal stuff to talk about in a small public area.   
“Here, it’s a American natto dog,” Ash joked, both of them walking to somewhere more private. The silence was awkward, and both were embarrassed for what had happened last night.   
“Last night was all my fault...” Eiji apologized again.  
“I’m sorry for acting so childish, you’re only trying to preorder me and the gang and we’ll yourself...and I made it all about me...” Eiji sighed, staring out at the ocean. Ash quickly shakes his head to deny the statement. 

“It was really on me...I was just frustrated with the stuff I had to do...I really don’t like doing this stuff Eiji...but there’s no other solution at this point.” He whispered, disappointed in himself. He didn’t want to be a murderer, but there was no other way.   
“I should’ve stopped pushing...I..I have no excuse for what I made you tell me..and I have no excuse for why I wasn’t there to stop it..” Ash couldn’t stop being himself up. He couldn’t believe after all this time of believing he was protecting Eiji..he just forced him to stay quiet and feel unsafe to the point he didn’t feel comfortable admiring his rape...that wasn’t okay. That was never okay. Especially as a rape victim himself? He understands what the mentality is, and he understand what a shitty human being he is for what he did. 

Eiji panicked and looked to Ash, did..did Ash really feel this way? This wasn’t right! It wasn’t Ash’s fault! It was Eiji, Eiji was the one who did this too himself.   
“No! No Ash..” he whispered, getting closer and gently cupping Ash’s cheek, gently making the male look him in the eyes. “This isn’t your fault..last night was...it was a mile stone okay? You did nothing wrong...we were both stressed and I planned on telling you soon anyway..” Eiji murmured softly. Giving Ash a soft smile, he knew the younger boy tended to take things to the extreme when it came to feelings. 

Ash looked Eiji in the eyes before he closed his own, looking away.   
“It’s really not...I made you feel so unsafe you couldn’t even tell me what had happened to you...” and as much as it hurt Ash to realize and come to terms with he knew it was the truth. He knew he had to have scared Eiji.. Though it was oddly comforting when Eiji hugged Ash tightly and continued to reassure him that he in fact wasn’t scared of Ash himself, just that they would no longer be as close as they used to be. 

The two pull away and look into each other’s eyes, Eiji smiling in a way that had Ash feeling butterflies but in a comforting way. He felt like this was the only person he could ever feel this relaxed around..he was going to keep him by his side forever. Protect him forever.   
“Nothing was your fault okay..? Let’s go home and, and we can talk, we can spend time together..I haven’t seen you too much..it makes me kinda sad..” Eiji whispered, letting Ash know the truth now. He didn’t want to keep anymore secrets from him, he wanted their relationship to grow..not be held back by secrets and carefully woven lies. 

Ash looked at Eiji in shock for a couple of seconds before becoming shy and nodding as he looked away, “okay...okay I’ll come home more so we can spend time together...I promise...” Ash whispers. Smiling softly as he looked back to Eiji, seeing the little Japanese smiling brightly and tearing up. This was going better than Eiji could’ve ever hoped for, he’s god he didn’t lose Ash to this...

“I know it’s soon...and I don’t even know why I’m asking cause it’s really disgusting if you think about it and-“ Eiji chuckles softly at Ash’s rambles and cut him off, covering his mouth before pulling away. “Ask away..I promise I won’t be upset...” The two glowed in the sunset, giving them both a beautiful bronze glow as they stared into each other’s eyes.   
“Can I...can I kiss you?” Ash whispered, still repulsed by his own question. So quick to try and pull away when Eiji pauses and stares. Eiji gripped the males arm, refusing to let the teen slip away from him again. Eiji got on his tip toes and kissed Ash, and if he was being honest...? Nothing has ever felt so perfect in his life..even after the trauma...he felt safe. He felt loved and wanted, he felt this was pure. And he felt that this was pure loving with no motive behind it. 

The two pulled out of the kiss with a soft deep breath, both looking back to each other with heavy blush and shy smiles.   
“That was perfect...” Eiji whispered, embarrassed that he sounded so cliché..but it was true! Nothing has ever felt more perfect in his life!   
“I..I agree..” Ash whispered back awkwardly, not that he was lying or hated what had happened. He just truly didn’t know how to show his happiness and affection properly. 

“Let’s go home Ash..” Eiji whispered with a happy smile, cupping the males arm as he began to take steps away from the ocean and to the apartment. “Oh! Uh yeah yeah..” Ash chuckles softly and walked Eiji back to their shared home, both giving shy glances and little chuckles with blush on their cheeks. Acting like lovesick high schools, which technically they were by age. The two went home, having a long talk about boundaries and feelings, and..they’ve never felt more at peace that might. Both going to sleep happily together.


	5. Episode 13 (part 1)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyyyyyy, it’s been so long since I updated this, it kinda made me feel bad that I left it for so long so I decided to start writing again! Who knew it would be so exhausting, sorry that this is only a part 1! I’ll get the second part out soon!  
> As always if you seen any grammar mistakes or spelling errors please tell me and I’ll fix them! I swear my auto correct has a mind if it’s own sometimes.

“What did Cain say?” Kong asked ash. “3 am tonight at the East Broadway station, the f line is under construction right now, so it’ll be shut down then.” Ash responded. The small group was huddled around the door of the apartment early in the morning, talking about Ash and Arthur’s final fight. Today would be the day they end it all, Ash wouldn’t be putting Eiji through this danger any longer. 

“But you never know what dirty tricks Arthur will pull..” bones mumbles, worried.  
“Yeah! He’s got the mafia with him!” Kong said, looking to bones. Both of them were worried for Ash.  
“Yeah...but Alex knows what to do if something like that happens...” he mumbles, looking directly at the two with a stern stare.  
“You two, take Eiji to the airport.” He said. Watching the other two gasp.  
“You won’t tell him anything,” Ash reminded,  
“But!...he’s one of us now...and if we don’t tell him anything he’ll only resent you for betraying him..” bones tried to reason. Ash looked away, he knew the consequence, and he was ready to face it...if it meant Eiji would be safe.  
“I know...that’s how it should be.” 

Ash left the two at the apartment door, he knew they wouldn’t leave after he gave them the orders. He knew how hard it would be for them when Eiji woke up as well. Ash shook his head, desperately trying to think of something else as he walked to the underground train station. He hoped he could get this over with soon... though he had this feeling in his gut...that this wasn’t going to end well. At this point, all he wanted was for Eiji to be safe. He wouldn’t have Eiji be hurt anymore at his own carelessness.

Ash sighed as he walked into the train station, seeing that Cain, Sing, and Arthur were already there.  
“I have a right to witness this fight.” Sing said stubbornly,  
“You guys aren’t the only ones with business downtown.” Sing smirked.  
Cain shrugged, “okay, how about you two?” He asked, looking to Ash and Arthur.  
“I don’t care,” Ash sighed, why does it matter if sing wanted to watch? Though, seems Arthur didn’t agree.  
“No. I don’t want him here.” Arthur glared at the small Asian.  
“Why does it matter, if you aren’t hiding something?” Cain questioned, getting Arthur a little flustered.  
“Fine! He can watch. I’ve got nothing to hide.. Let’s get this over with.” Arthur smirked.

Cain announced the rules, no guns, no tricks. Only a knife fight, whoever lost had to give up the territory peacefully. Ash and Arthur walked a few feet away from each other, getting their knifes out. The two circled one another, Arthur talking shit and Ash dismissing him. Then Arthur lunged at him, swinging his knife wildly, trying to hurt Ash. Ash of course did the same, both dodging one another’s attacks and trying to place their own.

Ash’s eyes widened, something wasn’t right... he was cornered to the edge. He could feeling rumbling in the ground. “A trains coming!” He warned Cain and Sing, getting kicked in the stomach and almost falling into the tracks. Arthur backed away to the other side of the station smirking, “a train? Arthur you snake!” Cain yelled, the trains lights appearing at the end of the tunnel.  
Everything happened so quickly, next thing everyone knew the train came by and began shooting at the men. Ash barely managed to hide behind a wall. 

Arthur yelled orders at the man coming out of the train.  
“Kill him! Don’t be scared, he has no weapons!” Arthur laughed, running into the train as his own men ran out taunting a hiding Ash. Ash was furious, he knew Arthur was going to pull a trick, he should’ve listened to his gut. He began to try to think of a way out of this, but he was out of luck. Until Sing yelled to him, throwing a gun to him. Ash quickly caught it and adjusted, jumping out from behind his wall and shooting three men in the head. The man quickly killed everyone in his way,  
“Arthur!” He yelled, jumping into the train just before the doors closed. He was going to kill Arthur if it’s the last thing he does.

Arthur paled at the screams and gunshots, he could tell they failed to kill ask. He screamed at the people driving it to leave. He wasn’t excepting Ash to live, how the hell did he manage that? Arthur tapped the pole he was hanging onto, oh what to do what to do...there’s no way he could step them up like this again. Arthur was startled out of his thoughts by two men that worked for him, screaming about how Ash was on the train.  
“What did you say?...well...this works, well trap him on each side. Quickly! Go, he’s all alone.” Arthur smirked. 

“I’ve got you now Ash lynx...I’ll finally kill you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hoped you guys enjoyed the chapter! I’m sorry if it’s not want you guys were hoping for, but I promise part 2 will come out soon and will have more drama! Hope you guys have a good day!


	6. Episode 13 (part 2)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey girlies I’m back again, I told you I wouldn’t make you wait long! 
> 
> This chapter took so long to write it was driving me insane lol, I’m not really liking it either, I’m sorry if I disappoint you guys with this chapter! I’ll do better for the next one I promise!

Ash pants as he leaned against the wall of the train, looking around to make sure no one was sneaking up on him. Once he caught his breath he stealthily ran through the carts, he needed to find Arthur and kill him once and for all. 

Ash hesitated as he ran into a new cart, seeing three guys just sitting there, off in their own world. Suddenly everything was in slow motion... the only thing going through Ash’s head was what Eiji said to him.  
“Why are you doing this? You’re not the kinda guy who shoots unresisting people!”   
Ash knew none of these three had guns on them... and as much as he wished he could be who Eiji saw him as, he knew that if these guys did have guns they’d shoot him with no hesitation.

Ash shot the man closest, watching as the other two screamed and ran away. Maybe it was his guilty conscience, or maybe it was Eiji’s words swirling around in his head. But he didn’t want to kill those two, not yet, he at least wanted to give them a chance to live..

Ash shook his head, he couldn’t keep letting Eiji do this to him. As much as he..loved, Eiji, he couldn’t keep letting Eiji’s words or actions be what keeps him from living or dying. Ash ran over the dead body, walking into the next couple of carts. Forget Eiji, he needed to take care of Arthur.

Ash wondered through the next couple of carts in eerie silence, he knew Arthur had to be in one of these carts... so why was it taking him so long to find him? Ash gasped as he suddenly heard a man yell,  
“There he is!” 

Ash quickly ran into the next cart, just barely managing to stay a few feet ahead of the two following him.

Eiji whined as he woke up, he normally didn’t wake up this early. Eiji looked to the other couch, where he swore Ash was when they fell asleep, but it was empty.  
“Ash..?” He questioned, getting up from the couch and looking around the apartment.

Ash wasn’t in the bathroom..or the kitchen...or the bedroom, where the hell did he go? Anxiety and worry struck Eiji’s heart, Ash was gone again, where could he possibly be at 4 in the morning?   
Eiji rushed to put on his jacket, opening the apartment door, only to see bones and kong.

“Where are you going?” Kong questioned, the atmosphere wasn’t good around these guys..  
“Ash is gone...do you know where he is?” Eiji quickly questioned, only to be stared at and given silence as an answer. 

Eiji wasn’t stupid, he could tell these two were hiding something from him. 

“You’re hiding something.” Eiji mumbled as he glared at the two in front of him. Sadly they didn’t seem to be affected by it.   
“It’s a good thing you’re up. Pack up, we’re taking you to the airport.” Bones said sternly.

“The...the airport?... did Ash tell you to?” Eiji questioned, his soft glare disappearing into soft sad eyes.   
“Look this is hard on us too okay?” Bones tried to reason,   
“Boss can’t do his job when you’re around...you have to understand.” 

Eiji stared at the ground for a moment, this couldn’t be it. He couldn’t be sent back now! Not after all that him and Ash when through together!   
“What time is it...the flight?” Eiji questioned, surprising bones and kong.  
“It’s at 8:10...” bones mumbled, leaving Eiji to sigh and turn around and look into his apartment. 

“Can I have some time alone...? I won’t run away or anything..” Eiji mumbles. Not really bothering to hear what the other two had to say, and closing the door in their faces. 

Ash always told him that they lived in different worlds... but even if that were true why does that mean Eiji had to leave? We’re they truly so different that Eiji couldn’t even stay by Ash’s side?...no. Whether Ash sees it or not, it’s too late. 

Eiji is already apart of Ash’s world. He’s not leaving without a fight.

Eiji opened up the door to the apartment, looking to kong and bones. “I don’t have anything... so let’s just go..” Eiji mumbles. As the walked down to the elevator all Eiji could think about was how he was supposed to find ash and then get to ash. 

The group waited for the doors to open, awkward silence made the tension heavy. The two kept glancing back at eiji, the boy having a sad almost pouty looking face. Then kong gave in, he couldn’t stay silent any longer.

“Boss went to fight Arthur at the East Broadway station. To solve things once and for all.” He whispered, getting a mean glare from bones.   
“Idiot...” bones grumbled.

Ash did his best to stay alive, though he’d admit it was hard, Arthur’s men just seemed to keep on coming and coming. There’s only so much you can do in a train cart. Though Ash managed, killing everyone that came in his way, he did get a pretty big gash in his arm though, slowly bleeding from it.

Ash panted as he leaned against one of the many doors to the train, he could feel it deep inside him.. this time he might actually die. 

Ash closes his eyes, wishing he could see Eiji one more time. He knew he couldn’t, he knew he had to send Eiji away before he gets to attached... he couldn’t let Eiji get hurt anymore. Eiji wasn’t from this world, he wouldn’t survive in it...and he’s already been permanently scarred from it... 

Ash couldn’t protect him forever.

That doesn’t change the feelings of regret deep inside of him, the feelings of longing and sadness. He just...he just wanted to be normal, with Eiji.. but he had to finish this with Arthur. Or nobody would be safe.

Ash opened his eyes with a sigh. No. He couldn’t afford to think of Eiji anymore. Not when he could die here, Eiji was safe, he was not. Ash struggled to get up, he was so tired from all this running and killing. He was almost done...

Ash kept walking throughout the carts, holding his bleeding arm as he looked for Arthur. And there he was...running to the last cart in hope of survival. 

Ash quickly ran after him, stopping in the finally cart of the train and staring at Arthur. The man was terrified, staring at the door that was locked. There was no where for him to run anymore. 

“Fredrick!” Ash yelled, watching Arthur turn around.   
“That’s the first time I’ve ever heard you call my first name...so this is it, huh?” Arthur laughed, though Ash just stared at him. Ash out his gun down and took out his knife again. 

“We are ending this, once and for all Arthur.” Ash said, glaring down at Arthur. Though Arthur only smirked, he felt the could win as long as Ash didn’t have a gun.

Eiji stared at the two, theres no way... once and for all? That means they’re trying to kill each other right? He couldn’t let that happen...

Eiji walked into the elevator, turning around and looking to bones and kong. He mustered up his courage and body slammed the both of them before the could come in. They already gave them the information he needed, so he slammed the button for the lobby. 

Eiji could hear kong banging on the door for a second before the elevator began to move down. Leaning against the wall to stable himself, Ash? In a fight to the death? Of course Eiji had all confidence in Ash but...he’s met Arthur...and he doesn’t seem like the type to play far.

The minute the elevator doors opened Eiji ran, he didn’t care who he shoved or who he passed. Eiji couldn’t afford to waste time when Ash could be seriously hurt! Eiji began to panic, from the apartment to the station was twelve blocks! He’d never make that in time!

Eiji stopped running as a car drove into the sidewalk, the man panting heavily as he saw bones poke his head out.   
“Hurry and get in! Boss isn’t at the station anymore he’s at coney island fighting Arthur!” Bones yelled, he was obviously scared as well.

Eiji jumped into the car, leg shaking due to how anxious he was.   
“Cant you drive any faster?” He questions, watching bones glance to him.  
“And what? Die before we get there? Besides we can’t...there’s cops all around here and it seems they’ve been called...” bones mumbles, just then three cop cars drove by them. 

By the time the group got their Eiji was an anxious mess, he jumped out of the car before it even stopped and ran through the crowd. Mumbling “excuse me” and “sorry please move” over and over.

Eiji stared at Ash, watching Arthur circle him. “Ash!” He screamed, trying to get Ash’s attention before it was to late...Ash could die up there!

Ash paused when he heard Eiji, so, so tempted to look back. His hesitation was a mistake. Arthur took that chance and sliced Ash’s abdomen, Ash yelled and jumped away, watching Arthur lick his knife.

Fuck...why did Eiji have to be here? Now? Ash couldn’t afford to think about it, he couldn’t afford to think about the danger Eiji is in just by being down their, he couldn’t afford to think about why Eiji wasn’t on an airplane yet.

Ash panted and held his side as he looked to Arthur, this was it, this was the moment that decided who died, and who lived.   
“I’m going to kill you Ash lynx!” Arthur screamed like a maniac, running towards Ash.

Ash ran towards Arthur, dodging Arthur’s stab and instead stabbing the blonde in the stomach. Immediately taking out his knife and slicing the mans neck open. He watched as Arthur slowly backed away, coughing and bleeding out to fast to stop.

Arthur continued walking back until he fell off the bridge, finally ending his own life. Ash turned around, looking down at the crowd of people and lifted his knife. Hearing the crowd yelling in celebration of Ash winning.

Though...the only person Ash could look at was Eiji, the two staring at each other before Ash teared up. He didn’t want Eiji to see this.. 

Ash didn’t want to feel guilty about letting Eiji watch someone die again, he didn’t want to see Eiji around a bunch of gang members, he didn’t want Eiji to watch him kill someone...he didn’t want.. to feel so comforted by Eiji.

“Go back to japan!” Ash yelled, watching Eiji’s eyes widen in hurt from the top of the bridge.   
“I don’t want you seeing me like this!” Tears fell from Ash’s eyes, now he’s gone and done it...he’s put Eiji in danger once again. He’s let Eiji see something that would scar him for life..again. 

Ash looked above him as a helicopter appeared above him...god he forgot about the police. Police cars surrounded Ash on top of the bridge, pointing their guns at him and watching him collapse due to blood loss. 

Eiji watched Ash collapse, not even caring about the police cars that also surrounded the crowd below the bridge. Not caring as the people around him got arrested, instead he ran towards the ambulance they put Ash into.

Eiji tried to run past the cops guarding the car but they quickly grabbed him and stopped him,   
“No! Stop! He’s my friend let me through! Ash!” Eiji screamed, struggling in the hold of the police before stopping, watching the ambulance drive away. 

After that Eiji was put in handcuffs and shoved to the ground with the rest of the men arrested, eventually being put into a cop car and driven down town. The only thing going through Eiji’s mind was Ash. 

Why did he have to say that? Why did Ash always have to know the looks and the words that would hurt Eiji the most? He was so disappointed... so worried.

Why does Ash always refuse to see anything from Eiji’s point of view?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always please tell me anything I can fix about my writing and I’ll try my hardest to put that into my work! Oh and if you find any grammar mistakes tell me about those too! 
> 
> I try to take in all of your guys advice and put it into my writing so if you have more please share! I hope you enjoyed this chapter guys!

**Author's Note:**

> I’m so sorry, this shit is hard to read but this is just to help me develop as a writer (I think) both in believable plot and adapting to a characters personality (plus to get some of the depression out from that ending) also if there is any odd grammar please let me know!


End file.
